Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
