if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
