I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
