Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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