There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
