you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
