shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
