I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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