just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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