Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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