Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize