Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
