Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
