some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
