There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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