Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
