who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
