I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dicks are not precious.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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