sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
