i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
