i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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