Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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