I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the day after is always just damage control
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
