It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
