Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
