I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize