Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
