your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
