Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
