I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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