I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
