It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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