I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
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