The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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