The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
