he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
