What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
