does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
