I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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