wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
