never play flip cup with pint glasses
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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