i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
