The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
