I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
