Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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