He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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