I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
