Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
