In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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