You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
