If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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