I bet he comes in French.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
