she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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