Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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