Don't you send me to vm
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
