From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I stole a fireplace last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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