I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
