I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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