don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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