got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Houston, we have a squirter
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
NoShamevember. You game?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We smell like vodka and hangover
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