The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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