well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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