ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
