We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
