i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
