I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
