I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
